Coconut Wars.


I bought a coconut the other day.  A full, unopened coconut, with liquid inside, and a husk, or shell, that I had to open before I could eat the flesh.

I love the taste of raw nuts, and whilst I don’t think coconut is an actual nut, if you chew the meat for long enough it has the most delicious, nutty flavour.  Yum.

Ahh, the wonders of the internet.  I watched an online  video, showing me an easy way to open the shell without shattering it, and allowing me to savour the liquid inside. Supposedly.

All that was required was a hammer,a philips head screwdriver and a cup to drain the juice into.

I gathered the supplies onto the kitchen bench.  Mr Platypus, who does most of the kitchen work, raised his eyebrows, then hurried outside to ‘clean the fence’.

The man demonstrating on the video had spoken the instructions too.  “Insert the screwdriver into one of the 3 holes at the top of the husk, and tap gently with the hammer – like this.  Then, simply repeat for the other 2 holes”


I tapped, not so gently with the hammer and the shaft of the screwdriver disappeared into the husk.  I had to wriggle it back and forth for about 5 minutes to get it out. Possibly, I should have cleaned it before using it -when I finally eased it out, it was much cleaner than it looked before.

The other 2 holes were easier though, and once pierced, the liquid drained nicely into the cup, and tasted delicious too- despite whatever had been on the screwdriver shaft.

Now came the job of cracking the husk.  According to the video (by the way, I think this must be similar to the video that taught me how to knit with DPN that I wrote about a couple of months ago here) I had only to hold the coconut in one hand, tap gently with the hammer whilst rotating the husk, and before too long, the husk would crack.  I would then continue to rotate and tap, and the coconut would break in half beautifully.

Well, after tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap bang bang BANGING, the husk did crack a little.

So, as instructed I continued to rotate and tap until the cracked part of the husk reached the palm of my hand and happily pinched it.  Ouch. I tapped to loosen it, and it pinched tighter.

Sheesh!  That jolly well hurt. Forget the gentle tapping into the palm, the coconut was placed on the bench, and a few hearty blows later, I had two halves of coconut, with the beautiful meat exposed, just waiting to be eaten.  Mr Platypus was shaking his head out the back during the banging; I assume the fence was really dirty!

The 5cm blood-blister on my palm was not helpful in prising the meat away from the shell, so I did the only sensible thing to do – I looked up you-tube for a video on how to ease the meat from the shell. See, I still haven’t learned my lesson.

The funniest thing of all though, is that there really are videos for all this type of information.  There are many different ways, my friends, of opening coconuts.  I’m pleased that I didn’t see the instructions for coconut opening using an electric drill until after I’d completed the task.  And I could not watch the tiny girl demonstrating her method using a HUGE machete.

Without going into further detail, half of the coconut has been detached from the shell for me to nibble on, and it is delicious.

The other half will have to wait until the blood-blister disappears.

In the interim, I see they are selling pomegranates!






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